Oh dear: Southwest Airlines

Southwest Airlines recently kicked off two women off of their plane for sharing a kiss.  They recently kicked off the Green Day frontman for wearing baggy pants and Kevin Smith for being fat.   All of which we can agree is pretty stupid.

I say if Southwest Airlines is going to continue kicking people off of planes for stupid reasons, there's no reason why I shouldn't be the one to set the rules.  In my last gig I traveled 40% of the time, frequently on Southwest, so I am clearly the best judge for inappropriate airplane behavior.

Gay or straight women or men sharing small pecks or totally making out, baggy or tight pants wearing people, fat and skinny people, breastfeeding mommies, and combinations of all are all allowed on my plane.  Not allowed on my Southwest Airlines flights:

1. People who bring smelly food on the plane.  Where did you find a tuna fish sandwich in the airport, and why did you bring it on the plane?
2. People who paint their nails on the plane.  (Not making this up -- actually happened to me.)
3. People watching movies that include an airplane crash.  Like, really, this is the best time to watch the Lost pilot?
4. Anyone watching a movie without headphones
5. If I'm traveling without my children, I don't want to sit next to yours either
6. People who insist on sitting in the middle seat, next to you, though there are many other available seats on the plane.  The middle seat is the seat of last resort.  Treat it as such.  
7. Anyone who wants to chat with me on the plane.  Planes are for napping.  I have on occasion put headphones in my ears that are not plugged into anything trying to remove myself from chatters.
8. People hitting on me on the plane.  I'm married.  Even when I wasn't married, I wore a fake wedding ring when traveling as apparently, if you are a single woman traveling on a Southwest plane, since Southwest allows you to pick your own seat, many people confuse it for match.com.  It's not a singles bar--it's a transportation device that is taking me to a vacation or work spot, and I'm just not that into you.
9. People who don't help the mom traveling by herself with three kids trying to get their luggage into the overhead compartment.  (For the record, loudly saying several rows away in my Texas accent, "Ma'am, do you need some help with your luggage?" did inspire several capable people around her to assist.)
10. People putting all of their luggage in the overhead bin on a very full flight though some of their luggage could fit under the seat in front of them.
11. People putting their luggage in the overhead bin with the wheels the opposite way as indicated on the sign on the bin (out instead of in or vice versa.)  

You can advocate for my rule setting on Southwest's Facebook page, or otherwise tell them how you feel about their random policies.  

Oh dear: Sister Wives

So, I couldn't stop myself from watching Sister Wives on TLC.  One man, three wives, 13 kids.  It's a real life Big Love!

Kody, the husband

Sadly, Big Love is better.  Sister Wives was creepy.  The husband is a creepy guy with bad hair.  (I'm not sure what I was expecting.  I mean, the man is married to three women.)  The wives married this guy 16 years ago.  They have 13 children with him, all of which have terrible names.  They live in a house that seems to have few furnishings and cheap appliances and cabinets.  It's depressing.

And, Kody, the husband, has found a potential fourth wife, which is clearly annoying the three original wives.  He's driving four hours away to court the new potential wife who also has three kids.

I thought this show would show me the benefits of having several wives (like extra help with cooking, cleaning, and childcare), but the sheer number of children these people have make this seem like way more work than regular marriage.  At one point they mention that they were homeschooling, and I'm trying to figure out how you could homeschool 13 children of various ages (they apparently now send the kids to a homeschooling coop with other polygamous families).  The show just stressed me out.

I'll watch it again to see what happens, but I'd recommend Big Love instead.

Oh dear: Bachelor Pad

I don't read a lot of blogs, but when I do, I read www.ihategreenbeans.com   One of my friends told me about it, and because it's largely a blog blogging about the ABC show The Bachelor, I also started watching The Bachelor.  It's a show that is so good it's bad.  One Bachelor, twenty insane women, all fighting for "the chance for love."  Occasionally, ABC switches it around and does The Bachelorette instead, which frankly isn't as good.  Men aren't as petty and ridiculous as women, and so they don't walk around talking bad about each other for the most part.  When they do, they take it outside and fight and it's over, and so there's all the drama for the entire season in about five minutes.

For a several years now, MTV has brought back previous members of The Real World for challenge shows.  VH1 did something similar with a show called I Love Money.  And ABC just now realized "Hey!  We can bring back old Bachelor(ette) contestants and do another show!"  And that show is The Bachelor Pad.  Which is terrible.  And I can't stop watching it.

Last night, due to a situation with the Tivo and a marathon of Pawn Stars (husband's show, not mine), I only caught the last 30 minutes of this ridiculously timed 2 hour show.  I apparently missed nothing, and was able to figure out what was going on in just the last 30 minutes, it's just that bad.  But I can't miss it, and so I upped the priority on my season pass so I don't miss it again.

Oh dear: Teen Mom

I already expressed my love for the show "16 and Pregnant" with the complaint that it doesn't make parenting look hard enough.  MTV apparently heard this complaint a while back, because I discovered they have a show "Teen Mom" following four of the moms from "16 and Pregnant".  It's about to go into its second season, which meant that they had a marathon of the show yesterday so I was able to catch several parts of several episodes and the last 30 minutes of the wrap up.

Of the four couples, three were in relationships with their baby daddies when the baby was born -- at the end of Teen Mom, only one is still together.  Other than the mom that gave her baby up for adoption, none of them moms are successfully completing school--apparently, watching a baby is very time consuming!  You can't study and take care of a baby at the same time!  (You also can't catch all of the Teen Mom marathon either while taking care of 1-2 kids for the record.)

Overall, the show portrayed parenting in a much more realistic light.  Kudos to MTV.

Oh dear: Toddlers and Tiaras

I can't help but get sucked into the train wreck that is TLC's Toddlers and Tiaras.  Simple concept: each show follows 2-3 toddlers as they prepare for a pageant.  Thank goodness for The Learning Channel because I knew nothing about this topic previously!

Child1 is 3 1/2 and has been taking dance at preschool for the last two years.  She's had three recitals and I was completely surprised when she actually danced in the most recent instead of standing on the stage pouting like she did the first two times.  So the fact that these toddlers go on stage at a pageant WILLINGLY is just amazing to me.

In addition to actually getting on the stage, then moving in a routine, the toddlers (who participate in a pageant genre known as "glitz") also get fake teeth (known as flippers), spray tans, nails done, make up and false eyelashes, and hairpieces put in.  And Child1 won't let me put her hair into a ponytail or use barrettes even if her hair is in her face!

The parents are of course the most interesting part of this, because who would do this to their child?  After much watching, I've determined the answer is:   former beauty queens, rich people with too much time on their hands, and poor parents who would overextend themselves thinking this will bring their children fame and fortune.

In case you can't find Toddlers and Tiara on TV (which would be amazing because I swear they run the show at least 6 times a day), WE ("Television For Women") also has a version called Little Miss Perfect, which follows toddlers as they compete in the pageant by that name. My favorite part is when the pageant host sings the song "Little Miss Perfect" which was specially written for the pageant.  You can't help but cringe!

Oh dear: 16 and Pregnant

While on maternity leave and having to feed a baby every 2 - 3 hours, I've had the opportunity to watch lots of crap television.  One of the more ridiculously addictive shows I've seen is MTV's  "16 and Pregnant".  The concept is pretty simple:  stupid teenager gets pregnant and has baby.  Generally, the first 45 minutes are spent with the pregnant teenager and the last 15 minutes are spent with the baby and new mom.  Teenager generally has a boyfriend, who is also a teenager and an idiot.

I have to say, watching this a few weeks after having Child2, and extremely sleep deprived, I kept screaming to the television, "USE A CONDOM YOU MORON!"  Having a baby is really hard--and I have a great husband, a great job, and great child care.  I can't imagine doing it without all of these things, or being 16 and even trying to do it, plus go to school.  And to me, the real point the show could be making is following the moms and babies more after the baby is born instead of glamorizing pregnancy and showing a whopping 15 minutes of post baby life while showing prevent teen pregnancy commercials (including a PSA with Bristol Palin).  Show a crying teenager after the 50th night in a row of not sleeping more than 2 hours at a time if you want to show how hard it is to have a baby.  But who would want to watch THAT show?

Oh dear: Top Shot

Yesterday, Husband started watching a new reality show on the History channel:  Top Shot.

It is a reality show about people shooting.  Like Top Chef, but with guns.  I immediately forgot the name of the show and began calling it Top Gun (also known as "When Guns Attack".

The show is an elimination show. It starts off with 16 shooters and eliminates one each week . . . with shooting competitions. Seriously. They made a show about this. What is next, "Top Paint Dry Watching?" "Top Knitter"?

I found the whole thing so dull I didn't bother to watch much and won't be watching it again.  Give me old fashioned reality where people drink and fight.  Bringing guns into that equation is not safe.

Oh dear.: Extreme Dr. 90210: Dr. Rey Returns

Husband frequently watches shows on the Weather, History, or Science channel that involve some sort of natural disaster or man made object falling, breaking, or destroying other objects.  I refer to these as "When X Attacks."  For example, if he's watching a show about super cranes falling down, I call that "When Super Cranes Attack."  Other shows he's watched include, "When Tsunamis Attack" and "When Gigant Guns Attack."

So, he can't be blamed for thinking I was kidding when he asked what I was watching this morning, and I replied, "Extreme Dr. 90210:  Dr. Rey Returns."

For those of you unfamiliar with the E channel's show, Dr. 90210, you are a far better person than I.  Dr. 90210 follows a few plastic surgeons and a few of their patients.  It has been off of the air for a while, possibly because of the recession?, but I happened to notice a listing for "Extreme Dr. 90210" (filmed in 2009) and "Extreme Dr. 90210:  Dr Rey Returns" (filmed in 2010).

(I had the pleasure of meeting one of the doctors on a train in France, but that is a story for another time.)

Dr. Rey is certainly the most . . . interesting of the doctors so I was extremely excited about his return.  Why the interest?

Exhibit 1:  Scrubs.  Notice the sleeves on Dr. Rey's scrubs, or lack thereof.  Specially tailored to show off his arms.  I don't think you can buy scrubs like that at a medical supply store.

Exhibit 2:  Outlandish clothing.  Dr. Rey may have been the model customer the Ed Hardy people were thinking about when creating their t-shirt line.  Here's a recent example I found on Dr. Rey's Twitter feed:

(The crazily skinny woman next to him is his wife, Haley, who also frequently appears on the show.)

Exhibit 3:  Dr. Rey's website.  A quote:  "While the term "Renaissance man" is frequently overused, Dr. Rey is the rare individual to whom this might apply. Author, lecturer, medical broadcaster, actor, artist and martial artist, his ability to focus and excel is noteworthy. He is a current Screen Actors Guild member"

Other characteristics of Dr. Rey include a silly girlish laugh, the ability to speak Portugese and Spanish, and a black belt in Tae Kwan Do.

The extreme show special also focuses on some other people and doctors too, but whatever.  And the show did not disappoint in showing how crazy Dr. Rey is.  The show opens up with Dr. Rey arriving in Honduras with a Telemundo presenter.  First stop, the President's house to ask for a medical license (huh?), for which Dr. Rey is late, but first they stop and take pictures with the machine guns the police are carrying at the airport.   Wearing a hilarious pink shirt under his suit, Dr. Rey finally shows up at the President's house.  El Presidente also has a black belt in Tae Kwan Do, and Dr. Rey attempts to get the El Presidente to spar with him in his equivalent of the oval office.  El Presidente looks at Dr. Rey as if he is crazy, and walks off.

Next stop is the hospital, where he decides to perform surgery on a girl with a cleft palate, who he later visits at home.  While it would seem that this is the entire purpose of the show, maybe 5 minutes is dedicated to this.

Next, Dr. Rey and Telemundo go to some beachy Honduras location where a billionaire is building a clinic for Dr. Rey to come practice "in paradise."  Dr. Rey Skypes with his family back in L.A. and starts telling his wife about how the the billionaire is also building a home for them, and how they are going to live there 6 months a year.  Haley, knowing there are TV cameras around, does not start screaming at him or hang up on him, like the rest of us would.  Haley's mom in the background (who has made it clear in other episodes that she is not a fan of Dr. Rey) looks like she is going to go off on him.  Dr. Rey shows his family his outfit, which includes white pants and matching white shoes, which his daughter says looks stupid (which of course, is true.)

Eventually, Dr. Rey returns to L.A. where he views pictures of the cleft lip patient (who looks much better) and discusses moving to Honduras again with his wife six months out the year since the billionaire has built him this clinic and all, and Haley stops short of telling Dr. Rey he is more than welcome to move to Honduras permanently--alone.

I'm hoping E brings back Dr. 90210 on a more permanent basis because this man is crazy and is addictive to watch.  I need more than this mere sample of bad outfits, poor decision making, and disregard for his wife!  I need a weekly fix.  Help me E!