Friday, April 15, 2011

Why I Would Make a Bad Reality Star

My employer has a set of company awards every year.  For the sake of this post, we'll call them the Dundies.  There are between 5-10 of them, and employees nominate their peers for the awards  They are presented at the company party and it's a big deal.

Two years ago, our office manager called me and said that one of the persons I nominated was selected for an award and they would like to tape me talking about them for these videos they show during the awards.  I was very excited and of course I said yes!  She told me that my boss had won the award and they would like me to say a few things.

I was a month away from having my son at the time and tried in vain to find something that would look nice on camera that morning.  At the appointed taping time, I waddled down to where the video was happening, got "miked", and sat in the chair you sit in for the taping.  It was me, a cameraman, and a producer.

The producer asked me why I had nominated my boss, who we'll call Michael Scott (not her real name . . . . and my boss is a woman).  "Oh, she's great!" I said.

Cutting me off, the producer said, "Oh, we need you to say her name."

Me:  "Oh.  Michael Scott is great! . . . . . I'm sorry, what was the question?"

Producer:  "Why did you nominate Michael?"

Me:  "Oh, she's great!"

This went on and on in pretty much the same manner for about 20 minutes.  Now, I have done presentations to audiences of 100 people or more and not once fumbled.  Two guys, a camera, and a microphone and I was a complete idiot.  I was mortified and extremely apologetic.  The producer reassured me that they would hardly use any of it, and that my boss' boss had just been in and did wonderfully and they'd probably use all of his instead, which didn't make me feel better AT ALL.

So this happened on a Tuesday.  I really, really hate watching myself on camera.  I have an extremely annoying voice.  And so I was really kicking myself FOR FIVE DAYS that I had agreed to any of this.  And, I couldn't share it with anyone since the whole Dundie thing is supposed to be a surprise!

The day of the company party, my husband and I got there early.  I had been nominated for Dundies the previous two years and since I had switched jobs in the last year into management, I assumed I wasn't going to be nominated, so I wasn't worried about that--but I was still very freaked out about watching myself on camera.  My friend, who we'll call Pam, also got to the party early.  I had totally lost my cool at that point, and told her that one of my nominees had been selected (without telling her who) and that I didn't want to see myself on film since I had done such a crummy job being interviewed.  She said the same thing had happened to her!

And when they showed her video, she was talking about me--I had won a Dundie!

And the sound was really bad during my boss' video and no one really noticed me on camera at all.

This year, when I did my nominations, I did not include my name so I could not be contacted for taping. So imagine my horror when the office manager called me on Tuesday before the party with this intro, "Hey, you know the Dundies and how we do those videos?"

Me:  "Um, yeah?"

OM:  "Do you have your Dundie in your office?"

Me:  "Yes. .  . ."

OM:  "Can we borrow it for the videos?"

Me, relieved:  "Oh!  Yes!"

And that is why I would make a bad reality star:  I would be terrible at the interviews they show to explain clips and provide commentary.